woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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