I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
