I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize