Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
