Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
