Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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