I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
