Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
