Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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