to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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