Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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