i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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