sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Mom said you looked used
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
