we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
