Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
