bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize