Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
