Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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