Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
