next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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