Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
