wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
