I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
