I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so let's talk penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
