dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize