i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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