she was so not down for the gang bang
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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