Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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