I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
