True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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