The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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