I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You ruined the universe
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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