I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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