Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
