New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
