when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
