You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
