can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
