I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
