It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
