You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
