why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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