The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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