i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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