we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
