i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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