It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize