How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
