So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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