i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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