I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
