i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
