Will you blow on my dice?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
