I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
