Christians are straight up FREAKS
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
