I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
