why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
