Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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