a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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