no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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