so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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