...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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