When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
