So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
