who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
