Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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