I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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