No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
