so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize