we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
