Farmville is her only friend.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
