And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
