hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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