I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
