i think my mom watched the whole time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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