Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
